Jessica's Journey: May 2008

I can't believe how busy my life has become since becoming an adult. It wasn't an overnight transformation of going from my comfortable home school schedule to a fast pace college, and working world lifestyle. Rather, it was a subtle change, and the change was like that of a little caterpillar wrapped up in his ca coon. He doesn't turn into a butterfly overnight yet slowly but surely, minute by minute things are changing even though he and those looking on can see no outward change. What must it be like to go from crawling on your tummy to one day waking up and realizing that you have wings?

It's a slow process, a transformation, a miracle and yet that is the way it is in life. We all started out as tiny little babies, turning into cute little toddlers, and somehow in the midst of all of this turning into adults. The process is slow, it doesn't happen overnight and the mindset changes. Even though I've only been an adult for just a few years in comparison to those older than myself my mind sometimes longs for the simple days of childhood. Those days when I had no worries about pell grants for college, working full-time, paying cell phone and insurance bills, wondering what it is that I'm becoming in life, wondering who I am turning into?

Those carefree days of dreaming what it would be like when I was finally all grown up, what I would do with my life, what I would actually be when I grew up, who I would marry, the house I would someday live in.....Those sweet memories of simple child like trust in my parents, a sweet love for humanity, a pure faith in God. Slowly though, the memories fade and I find myself in the middle of all those, once thought of, childhood dreams and if I could turn back the hands of time of time I believe I would go back, at least for a little while. I would go back to the peace and security I would feel at bedtime when I would close my eyes and my dad would gently stroke my head with his hand, the joy of playing outside in the summer all day long, the sweetness of my mom's hugs and kisses, the pure delight of following my dad around the yard at dusk to look for crawdad holes....the list could go on and on. All of these are just memories now forever locked in my memory. As I near the end of another year of life and look forward to the next I look forward with great anticipation of full filling more of my goals and dreams yet as I look forward my heart aches at what I've left behind. The joys of becoming a woman mixed with the pain of leaving my childhood forever behind and the older I get the more I see how true that is. Yet the beauty of being a christian is that while I may not be a child anymore I can lean on my Heavenly Father in the same way that I leaned on my earthly parents as a child. The peace and joy I felt as a little girl doesn't have to leave because Jesus will always keep me safe in His arms.

There is a song by Plumb entitled "Safe In My Arms" that is written from the perspective of a mother to her child and I can't help but realize that this is the same way God feels towards us....

(In My Arms-Plumb)
Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your curly cues
Your contagious smile
And as i watch you start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight

Knowing clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Story books are full of fairy tales
Of kings and queens and the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You'll someday see the truth from lies

When the clouds will rage and
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms

Castles, they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
But you are never all alone
'cause I will always
Always love you

When the clouds will rage
And storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
In my arms